please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is my gift to your gina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
