If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
