i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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