Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
