MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
