Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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