i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
