I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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