dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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