You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
