my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
