Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize