well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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