If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
