is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
