i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
