All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
