after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The uberlube is also flammable
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
