I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
