okay pat passed out under dana's car
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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