I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
