She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
