the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
