eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
