Grow some girl-balls and come out already
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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