there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
