I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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