He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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