I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How does one acquire holy water?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
