apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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