so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
