I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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