I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
