When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
