so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
whose parrot is this?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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