she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize