jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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