i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
