all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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