god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I didn't notice because vodka
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
