I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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