ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
