i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
