Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
