if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We need a shit load of segways right now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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