and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
time to smoke my breakfast
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
