my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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