If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
