Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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