I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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