ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
