u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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