Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
