I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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