wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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