I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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