this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
