she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
