ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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