tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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