seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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