The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
