i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
