I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
