I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
