i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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