I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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