I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
