I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
