p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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