Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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