She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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