All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
