You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
its liver damage thursday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
