And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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