The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
