I think my vagina is haunted
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need moral support for this bender
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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