I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
